Grief is one of the most human experiences we face, yet it’s often met with empty encouragement to “stay strong” or “move on.” The truth is: grief can leave you feeling fragile, worn down and profoundly changed. Staying strong is painful and moving on is simply impossible. Grief demands that we feel, remember and adjust to a life that will never look the same.
“Staying strong is painful and moving on is simply impossible.”
Why people come to therapy
What I’ve learned, sitting with people in their grief, is this:
People don’t come to therapy because they’re grieving ‘wrong.’ They come because grief is bigger than one person can carry alone.
They come for:
- A space where they don’t have to be strong
- Permission to still be missing someone months or years later
- A place where ‘I don’t want to live without …’ can be spoken aloud
- Support reconnecting with life without abandoning the person they love
“Grief is bigger than what one person can carry alone.”
The reality of support from others
Often, the people around us try to help, but not always in ways that feel supportive. Time and time again, I hear that friends and family:
- Avoid speaking about the person who has died
- Offer phrases like “life goes on” or “you need to be strong”
- Expect that grief should have eased after a few months
While usually well-intentioned, these responses can leave someone feeling isolated, misunderstood or pressured to hide their emotions.
“Grief is not a problem to solve and does not follow a timetable.”
Research shows that grief is deeply individual
How we experience loss, how long it lingers and how it resurfaces varies widely from person to person. While some people navigate their grief with support and routine, others may find that intense emotions return unexpectedly months or even years later. These differences highlight why it’s normal for grief to follow no fixed timeline and why seeking support is valid at any stage.
Grief in numbers (UK)
- 1 in 10 bereaved adults show moderate prolonged-grief symptoms
- 1 in 40 bereaved adults show high symptoms meeting stricter criteria for Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)
- Even those with “typical” grief may experience intense emotions returning months or years later
This underscores that grief cannot and should not be rushed.
What Grief Really Is
“Grief is love. Grief is connection. Grief is loss that leaves its mark on who we are, not just what we feel.”
Therapy doesn’t erase grief. It doesn’t ask you to “move on” or “get over it.”
Instead, it provides:
- A space to hold your grief with compassion
- Tools to breathe, rest and reconnect with life
- Permission to carry memories and love while slowly rebuilding
“Grieving is not a failure. It is a process of remembering, rebuilding and continuing.”
If you are grieving in any form, you do not have to do it alone.
Find out more on my Grief & Loss page where I discuss how I can support you on your own journey.
Sources:
Shevlin M. et al. (2023). “Symptoms and levels of ICD‑11 Prolonged Grief Disorder in a UK adult general-population sample.” Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-023-02469-1
