I was recently told I’m in perimenopause at 35.
Even writing that feels strange, because like many people, I always thought this was something that happened much later in life. But with a family history of early menopause, it wasn’t entirely out of the blue.
When I look back, I can see I’d been experiencing symptoms for a while. Some of them were physical and in my case, there were quite a few. But what I didn’t fully understand at the time was just how much of what I was experiencing emotionally could also be part of it. This is the part that is spoken about less.
“I thought I was going crazy”
There were moments where I felt completely like myself. But then, suddenly, I didn’t.
I’d find myself overwhelmed, low or anxious in a way that didn’t feel connected to anything in particular. At times, it felt like a deep sense of despair that came out of nowhere.
As someone who openly discusses their struggles with GAD and panic disorder, anxiety isn’t unfamiliar to me, but this felt different. This was more sudden, consuming and hard to make sense of.
There were moments of crying that didn’t make sense. A constant pressure I couldn’t explain. Thoughts and feelings that felt unfamiliar and at times, really frightening.
There were moments I genuinely thought I was going crazy.
It’s not always obvious
When we think about perimenopause, we often think about physical symptoms: changes in periods, hot flushes, sleep disruption and while those can absolutely be part of it, they’re not always the full picture.
Some people experience very few physical symptoms at all or the physical symptoms are there, but the emotional impact is what feels most overwhelming.
Hormonal changes don’t just affect the body. They affect mood, anxiety levels, emotional regulation and how we experience the world around us.
But if no one has told you that, it’s easy to miss.
The missing link
By this point, I had already been told I was in perimenopause so on some level, I knew what was happening in my body, but I still hadn’t connected the emotional side of what I was experiencing to it.
I was trying to make sense of it through a purely mental health lens, assuming it was stress, overwhelm or something I just needed to “get a grip on.” It wasn’t until I was speaking to another woman going through perimenopause (also younger) who described feeling exactly the same way, using almost identical language, that my understanding deepened.
Not because I didn’t have an explanation, but because I hadn’t realised that: the emotional intensity, the sudden lows, the sense of not feeling like myself could be part of it too.
And it clicked.
This isn’t just in my head. This might actually be connected to what’s happening in my body.
That realisation brought a huge sense of relief.
What I’m seeing in the therapy room
This is something I’m hearing more and more from women I work with.
They describe:
- Sudden changes in mood
- Increased anxiety
- Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or less resilient
- A loss of identity or sense of self
- Periods of low mood or depression that feel unfamiliar
Often, there’s confusion because there’s no clear “reason” for it and without that context, it’s so easy to turn it inward to thoughts of:
- “I should be coping better”
- “Why am I like this?”
- “This isn’t me”
But sometimes, there is something else going on.
The impact of not knowing
When you don’t understand what’s happening, it can be incredibly unsettling. You might start to question yourself, lose trust in your emotions and/or feel like you’re becoming someone you don’t recognise. For some, that can include dark or intrusive thoughts that feel completely out of character and can be particularly frightening.
Without context, it’s easy to assume the worst.
The importance of being listened to
One of the biggest turning points for me was being taken seriously. I was incredibly lucky to have a doctor who listened, who didn’t dismiss what I was saying or reduce it to “just stress” or my anxiety. That experience of being validated matters more than we sometimes realise.
Because being heard can be the difference between:
- Feeling dismissed vs understood
- Feeling “dramatic” vs validated
- Staying stuck vs starting to make sense of things
What actually helps
When I think about supporting women through this, both personally and in my work, it’s rarely about quick fixes. It’s about rebuilding a sense of safety and trust in yourself.
Some of the things that can help:
Understanding what’s happening
Sometimes the biggest shift comes from simply having language for your experience: moving from “what’s wrong with me?” to “this might make sense.”
Self-compassion over self-criticism
If your capacity feels different, it’s not a failure. It’s something to respond to, not push through.
Listening to your needs
Rest, space, boundaries: these often become more important, not less.
Support that sees the whole picture
This might be medical support, therapy or both, but ideally something that acknowledges the emotional and physical impact.
A therapeutic lens: the part of you that feels lost
Something I often come back to in my work is this:
When our emotional world shifts in this way, it can activate a much younger, more vulnerable part of us.
The part that feels:
- Overwhelmed
- Uncertain
- In need of reassurance
- Afraid of being “too much” or “not okay”
If those feelings are met with self-criticism or confusion, they can intensify. But when they’re met with understanding they begin to lessen. So, part of the work here isn’t just managing symptoms. It’s learning how to relate to yourself differently within them.
Reminder
If you’re reading this and something is resonating, I want you to know this:
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not “losing it.”
And you’re not alone.
If things feel different, unfamiliar or harder than they used to and you can’t quite explain why, it might be worth exploring whether there’s a physical or hormonal piece to it.
You deserve to be listened to.
You deserve support.
And you deserve answers.
A final thought
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t what we’re feeling, it’s not understanding why we’re feeling it.
So, here’s a question to consider:
Is there something I’ve been blaming myself for that might have another explanation?
If you are experiencing distressing or intrusive thoughts, it’s really important to speak to a GP or a mental health professional. You don’t have to navigate that alone.
