Grief is something that touches all of us at some point in our lives, yet it remains something many people struggle to talk about openly. National Grief Awareness Day is an opportunity to acknowledge the reality of grief, challenge some of the misconceptions around loss and remind people that grief does not have an expiry date.
When we lose someone important to us, life changes. Grief is not something we simply “get over”, it is something we learn to carry as we adapt to life without the person we love.
My experience of supporting people through grief
My own experience of working with grief began during my counselling training, when I completed my placement within a hospice.
During this time, I had the privilege of supporting people experiencing anticipatory grief. This occurs when someone is facing an expected loss, often following a terminal diagnosis or during a period of significant illness. This may include a person processing their own life-limiting illness, the changes and uncertainties that come with this, as well as family members beginning to grieve the future they had imagined with someone they love.
I also supported families who were navigating life after a bereavement, providing space for them to explore their emotions, memories and experiences following the death of someone important to them.
This work was some of the most meaningful and rewarding I have experienced. Being alongside people during such vulnerable moments showed me the importance of having somewhere safe to express the thoughts, feelings and experiences that can often feel impossible to share elsewhere.
I continue to cherish the opportunity to support clients experiencing grief and bereavement, offering a space where they can talk openly about their experiences, remember the people they have lost and explore what life looks like alongside their grief.
Grief needs to be witnessed, not avoided
Something I hear time and time again from clients is how, after someone dies, conversations about that person gradually disappear.
Often, this happens with the best intentions. Family members and friends may avoid mentioning someone who has died because they are worried about upsetting their loved one, reminding them of their pain or “bringing it all back”. But for many grieving people, the silence can feel more painful.
They can begin to feel that their loved one has been forgotten, that others have moved on or that they can no longer talk about the person who meant so much to them. The reality is that many people who are grieving want to talk.
They want to share memories, look through photographs, say their loved one’s name, laugh at stories and cry when emotions arise. They don’t necessarily need advice, reassurance or someone to find the perfect words. Because the hardest thing has already happened.
There is no phrase that can take away the pain of losing someone. There is no piece of advice that can bring that person back. What many grieving people need most is simply someone willing to sit with them in the reality of what has happened.
Someone who will listen.
Someone who will remember with them.
Someone who is not afraid of their sadness.
Remembering someone is not the same as being unable to move forward
A common fear people experience after a loss is that talking about their loved one, looking at photographs or keeping their memory present means they are somehow “stuck” or unable to move forward. But grief is not about forgetting.
The idea of continuing bonds recognises that when someone dies, the relationship we had with them does not simply disappear. Instead, it changes. The person may no longer be physically present, but the love, memories, values, stories and connection we shared with them can continue to be an important part of our lives.
For some people, this may look like celebrating anniversaries, keeping meaningful belongings, listening to their favourite music, cooking a recipe they loved, visiting a special place or simply sharing stories about them with others.
In my work with bereavement clients, I often encourage people to bring photographs of their loved ones into therapy so we can look at them together. These moments can be incredibly meaningful. They create space for memories, emotions and stories that may not have had anywhere else to go.
For many people, the pain they feel after a loss is a reflection of the depth of the love and connection they shared. Grief does not always become smaller with time and experiencing moments where the loss feels just as painful as it did in the beginning does not mean you are failing to heal. It is a reminder that the person mattered, that the relationship was significant and that their impact continues to be part of your life.
How to support someone who is grieving
Grief can leave people feeling isolated, especially when those around them are unsure what to say or worried about making things worse. Often, the most helpful thing we can do is not to find the perfect words, but to be willing to sit alongside someone in their pain.
Some ways you can support someone who is grieving:
- Say their loved one’s name: Many grieving people worry that their loved one will be forgotten. Mentioning their name and sharing memories can be a meaningful way of showing that they are still remembered.
- Don’t avoid conversations about their loss: You do not have to have the right words. A simple “I was thinking about them today” or “I’d love to hear a memory about them” can open a door to connection.
- Listen without trying to fix: Grief is not something that can be solved or taken away. Often, people do not need advice, they just need someone who is willing to hear their experience.
- Accept that grief looks different for everyone: There is no timeline for grief and no “right” way to grieve. Some days may feel manageable, while others may feel incredibly difficult, even years later.
- Remember that grief continues beyond the funeral: Support often decreases once the immediate period after a death has passed, but grief does not follow the same timeline. Checking in months or even years later can mean a great deal.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer someone who is grieving is simply the reassurance that their loved one, their memories and their pain are still welcome in our conversations.
How therapy can support grief
Grief is not something that needs to be fixed. It is a natural response to losing someone who mattered. However, grief can feel overwhelming, isolating and difficult to navigate alone. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space where you do not have to protect others from your emotions or worry about making someone uncomfortable.
A therapist can help you explore and process the many emotions that can come with loss: sadness, anger, guilt, fear, confusion, loneliness or even relief, without judgement.
For some, grief is also connected with traumatic experiences around the loss itself. This may include witnessing illness, experiencing a sudden death, difficult medical experiences or memories that feel distressing and difficult to process.
Therapy can provide space to gently explore these experiences and support you in finding ways to move forward while still honouring the person you have lost. The aim is not to leave your loved one behind. It is to find a way to carry their memory alongside you.
You don’t have to grieve alone
If you are experiencing grief following the loss of someone important, whether recently or many years ago, you deserve a space where your experience can be heard.
I offer bereavement support in Baldock and online, supporting people across Hertfordshire, including those looking for grief counselling in the Letchworth and Hitchin area. Together, we can create a space where you can talk about your loss, remember your loved one and begin to navigate life alongside your grief at your own pace.
Grief is not something we simply “move on” from. It is something we learn to live alongside and having someone walk beside you can make that journey feel less lonely.
